Michelle's Response to "Why Do Your Kid's Allergies Mean That My Kid Can't Have a Birthday?"
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You are a bully. In your article, you single out a
specific group of people for conditions which many of them cannot control, and
insist that they be treated differently, or ignored completely, because of
their special needs. You are no
better than the girls who harassed me every day at lunch because my food looked
and tasted differently than theirs.
You’re no better than the friend whose birthday party I attended, but
who let me sit alone in the party room finishing up a crumbly gluten-free
cupcake while she partied with the other guests elsewhere. You are no better than the counselor at
my day camp who tried to force-feed me a soft pretzel because he was ignorant and
lacked compassion. And you are no
better than the girl on my study abroad program who started complaining that my
gluten free meals were preventing her vegetarian meals from containing gluteny
goodness. Your article was petty
and immature. You care more about
what you’re eating than what others around you are feeling.
Let me elaborate:
Right off the bat, your
sarcasm is condescending and off-putting.
There are more items than “air” that are “gluten, nut, and egg-free,”
and store-bought. If you did your
research, you would know that brands like Enjoy Life produce snack products
that are free of the 8 most common allergens, including gluten, nuts, and eggs,
and are actually tasty. In fact,
there are people who are allergic to gluten, nuts, and eggs and manage to eat
more than just air.
If you think that you’re
reaching the end of your rope trying to accommodate a child’s allergies for ONE
classroom celebration, imagine trying to be the mother of a child with a
serious or life-threatening allergy (by the way, I’m not a mother yet, but I’ve
learned from my own mother that anything
that puts your child in pain is considered serious by motherhood standards). Allergies don’t stop existing just
because homeroom is over and your homemade peanut butter cookies are all eaten
up. Imagine being my mother, 22
years ago, when no one had heard of Celiac Disease and even nutritionists
didn’t know what “gluten-free” was.
If you’re at the end of your rope now, you must have a very short
rope—it’s a good thing your children don’t have allergies because you wouldn’t
be able to handle them.
The truth is, every kid
wants to eat the “made-from-scratch
cupcakes, the ones made with fresh butter, sugar and yes, real flour with real
gluten in it”, but not every kid can.
And younger kids might not even remember that they can’t until it’s too
late. You don’t want your kid to
miss out on homemade goodies because of other kids’ allergies? Well, I don’t want my kid getting sick,
or worse, because your homemade goodies looked too good to resist. If it’s really that important to you to
make something homemade instead of buying something in a store--because yes,
these things are expensive, but some
people have to pay 8 dollars for a
loaf of bread or they will never be able to eat a sandwich. Can you imagine a childhood without
ever eating a sandwich?—then buy ingredients that everyone can enjoy and figure
out how to make something yourself.
You might think you understand allergies—but were you ever a child with
allergies? Were you ever a 5 year
old who couldn’t participate in the classroom party because of your egg-white
allergy? I don’t ask my friends to
accommodate my special needs either—but they do it anyway, because they want
to, because they care about me, because they don’t want to exclude me. And sometimes they make mistakes and
accidentally add an ingredient which isn’t gluten-free, or sometimes the item
they have bought or prepared isn’t the tastiest, but my friends are the kinds
of people who accommodate everyone, even without being asked. You need new friends.
No one is asking you to deprive a child of anything—that’s the
point. No one should have to miss
out, not even the kid allergic to nuts, eggs, and gluten. You clearly already know how to
accommodate food allergies because you have done so before, for the kids on
your son’s soccer team, or for his classmates. The reason people are resorting to gummy bears and juice
boxes (which by the way, don’t sound so bad to me) is because they are
uneducated and don’t know about all of the options. So before you throw your hands up and give up, why not speak
to the parents of the kids who are allergic to items, and see what they
suggest? Most parents are super
knowledgeable and happy to help, especially if it means their child will be
included.
Also, I don’t appreciate you referring to my dietary restrictions as
“allergy insanity.” Perhaps you
are right—maybe all birthday parties should be banned, especially if
store-bought items can’t be trusted as safe. Just so you know, these days the FDA has much stricter
guidelines about what labels need to go on foods, to avoid the very thing that
happened to your classmate in high school when she ate a Twix. Most prepackaged food items are now over-labeled—meaning that companies alert
you to every possible trace of any allergen, even if the food was nowhere near
that allergen at the time that it was made.
It’s not that hard to be an accommodating, caring compassionate
person. Every day, parents whose
kids are diagnosed with various allergies need to figure out how to accommodate
their child’s needs while also helping them to live as normal a life as
possible. Just because you don’t
want to put a little bit of effort into figuring out a treat that is safe for
everyone doesn’t mean a child should be singled out and made to miss out on the
fun.
I grew up in a world where
food made me different, an outsider, the “other.” Twenty-two years later, I still can’t sit down to a meal
without someone commenting on the way my gluten-free food looks or tastes, or
expressing surprise at the fact that what I am eating is gluten free,
especially if it’s the same thing they are eating. Sure, kids will be kids, but some kids never grow up. Your article isolated and bullied me into
feeling emotions that I have not been made to feel since elementary
school. It was rude and
inconsiderate, and your points were selfish. And worse yet, you lumped everyone with food allergies
together—completely ignoring the vast array of intolerances and the way they manifest.
The truth is, I see
articles like yours as a symptom of the “fad diet” phenomenon that has plagued
society for the past 5 to 10 years.
I wish to separate myself from people who are giving up gluten by choice
and let you know that many people have legitimate allergies. Celiac Disease, by the way, is not even
an allergy—it’s an autoimmune disorder where my body attacks the very proteins
(gluten) that are supposed to nourish it.
I’m not choosing to eat gluten
free because I think I’ll lose weight, or feel better—I have to keep gluten free in order to continue to live a healthy
life. People who are truly
diagnosed with Celiac Disease risk malnourishment, cancer, and eventual death
if they do not stick to their diets.
So while it might seem ridiculous that so many people have dietary
restrictions these days, the prevalence of accurate testing and the increased
knowledge of physicians actually allow children to lead happy and healthy lives
from a much younger age than once was thought possible. Of course, their emotional happiness is
compromised when they interact with hateful people like you.
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