Yesterday, while window shopping on Ben Yehuda Street, Andy and I bought a magnet that says “I <3 New York, but Jerusalem is home”. We thought it was perfect, considering we have been reluctantly falling in love with New York for the past year. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a love/hate relationship—but absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?
Both New Yorkers and Israelis are often considered to be rude. But, there’s something different in the manifestations of the rudeness that I can’t quite put my finger on. Sure, Israelis will shove their way onto a full bus, making it impossible for you to board. And just like NYC subway riders, Israelis on a full bus won’t move all the way to the back so others can get on. But Israelis will also stop their cars in the middle of the street so you can cross it (which New Yorkers never do) and will invite you over for holiday meals after meeting you only once (and will be very upset if you say no).
As best as I can articulate the difference, it seems to me that New Yorkers are rude because they are fiercely independent and only concerned for themselves—they’ve got places to go and people to see, always. I think Israelis are rude because they just don’t care about the small stuff—but they do care about each other. Here’s an example:
Yesterday, as I tried to get from one babysitting gig to the next one, I realized that I was lost. I had printed out directions from one house to the other, but the first child (a 9 year old boy) took me to a park so we could kick around a soccer ball. I knew the park was close to the house but I had no idea how we got there since I spent the whole time chasing the kid on his scooter instead of reading street signs. I was able to get myself back to the roundabout, but was confused when one of the streets changed names. I just wasn’t sure which direction to turn, and wound up crossing the roundabout looking confused a couple times.
Between my reading street signs, holding directions, and pacing back and forth a number of times, an older man who ran the corner snack shack noticed I was lost. He actually left his post (where a customer was in the process of buying water) to come help me. In my broken Hebrew, I explained that I didn’t know where I was going. And he responded to me in Hebrew (it’s a big deal because he could have just decided it would be easier to talk to me in English) asking where I was trying to get to. The transliterations of my street names were terrible, but instead of getting frustrated and giving up, he worked with me through each step of the directions until he recognized one of the streets, and gave me very detailed directions for how to get to where I needed to be (ie: count two bus stops, and after the second bus stop turn left). He was patient with me and concerned, and tolerated my attempts to use Hebrew. Only after he was convinced that I knew where I was going, did he return to the man waiting to pay for his water (who, by the way, was still there).
If this had happened in New York, one of two outcomes would have resulted. Either, no one would have stopped to help me and I’d be wandering around lost, crying on the phone to either Andy or my mom. Or I would have gotten up enough courage to ask someone for help and they would have given me the wrong directions (and then I’d be wandering around lost, crying on the phone). The second one is an exaggeration, but I’ve never seen a New Yorker be as patient when giving directions as this man was.
Andy says that difference stems back to the 2ND ALIYAH movement, when the immigrants made every attempt to create a new, honest world, and shed old world mores/expectations. Israelis are genuine and honest, while in the West, we still have a certain routine we’re supposed to dance around in order to seem “polite”. (New Yorkers appear rude to outsiders because they are violating these “principles of politeness”.) Israelis, on the other hand, don’t care if they are polite—they are just genuinely themselves, always. Israelis are unapologetically authentic, and other Israelis don’t see that as rude. So someone shoved you on the street or got in front of you to pay—you’ll still get to where you need to go and everything will be ok. It shocks us Americans to encounter a group of people that don’t stand on principle and instead do what they want. So we might see Israelis as rude, but they are actually just being true to themselves.
I love this!
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